Editorial MARITAL ADJUSTMENTS AND MARITAL THERAPY

EDITORIAL

MARITAL ADJUSTMENTS AND MARITAL THERAPY

Dr. S. SHAJI

Marriage is one of the universal social institutions. It is connected with the institution of family. Marriage is an institution of society which can have very different implications in different cultures. It's purposes, functions and forms may differ from society to society, but it is present everywhere as an institution. This is the sociological point of view about marriage. Developmental psychologists consider it as a psychosocial achievement. It is a social and legal status. Marriage is considered as a sacred contract in most religions. According to the Indian tradition it is believed to be an irrevocable bond between man and women who enter the sacred alliance. It has been sanctified in several cultures as a spiritual and functional relationship between a man and a women leading to the birth of children and building a family.

Marriage is a creative undertaking. As in all creative endeavors, there needs to be a constant effort towards perfection. In marriage, the couple try to eliminate progressively, the thwartings and increase the points of mutual and joint attainments. However, if the husband and wife continue to thwart each other in physical functioning, spiritual aspiration or in trivial tasks and wishes, if they hamper, coerce, defraud or enslave each other, then their marriage enters a crisis.

Marriage involves the assumption of a new status, that is a change of positional relationships. In the course of rapid change from the joint to the nuclear families, the change will mean significant modification of the financial, legal, social and emotional relationships with the parents through the ypung couple establishing their home independently. This involves a transformation of the statue in the community from that of a son or daughter in the parental family to that of adults.

The essential innerstate or condition that facilitates an ideal marriage is compatibility. This state exists when the two personalities united by marriage demonstrate the capacity to adjust to each other and to the new situation, namely, family life. Thus compatibility implies that the two personalities stimulate, facilitate, and reinforce each other and they function together in progressive integration. Relationship in marriage is thus an achievement of an integration of personalities, a situation of reciprocal responses in which each personality secures complete adjustment to the make up of the other. This brings completeness to marriage relationship.

Marital relationship is intimate and permanent and it involves personality to the core. One takes with him/her into the marriage the basic habits and personality which had been developed over a period of years. The unique feature of marriage is that it is a relationship of continuous achievements. because personality grow and develop in interaction with each other in constantly changing situations. Marriage is a dynamic process, with children making their ever growing relationship.

Happiness in marriage can be achieved through love, pursuit of common interests, physical fitness, mental sanity, rational thought, mutual respect and economic stability. A permanent union can be established only on the basis of common objectives, ideals, and interests. Only when the personalities concerned have common ideals, points of view, standards, aspirations and friendships will marriage relationship be smooth. Conflict over any of these points is hazardous.

Happiness in life is made up of minute fractions, the little mercies and charities of smile, a kind look, a heartfelt complement and the countless amall pleasant acts, thoughts and genial feelings one will have to give and take in these aspects in marriage can not be presented readymade. It needs to be accomplished. Harmony cannot be forced, but must result through mutual understanding and gentle actions through the occurs of life. Both the partners must determine to make a success of their marriage and to conquer every impediment that lies in the way. They must be flexible to make the necessary adaptations.

Becoming a "serious couple" is a process that is dependent upon many factors. Lewis for instance, has speculated to six factors, including:

1. The couple's perception that they have much in common, particularly shared values and interests and a similar socio cultural background.

2. The couple's achievement of rapport, they are able to talk easily together, they think highly of each other, and satisfied with the relationship and are validated in their conception of themselves by their partner's approval.

3. The couple's achievement of openness by having disclosed their secret thoughts and fears to one another.

4. The couple's ability to understand each other's perspective, they can successfully take the role of the other.

5. The couple's ability to fit to their roles and needs together.

6. The couple's achievement of dyadic crystallization that this, they speak themselves as "we" not "I". Their commitment is made, they function as a couple and feel an identity as a couple.

MARITAL ADJUSTMENTS

The tasks confronting the newly married couple are numerous and important. These include how to manage conflicts, that is to fight with out being destructive, coming to some understanding about getting and spending of money, developing workable relationship with parents and other relatives and preparing for parenthood or on the other hand deciding against it.

Marital conflict arises from many sources including differences in information, beliefs, interests, desires and values and because of competition between parents. Some conflict are productive in facilitating growth between partners whereas others are destructive and depleting. Destructive conflicts are characterized by tendency to rely on strategies of power and tactics of threat, coercion and deception which lead to mutual suspicion and communication.

Of many adjustment problems in marriage, the four most common and most important for marital happiness are adjustment to a mate, sexual adjustment, financial adjustment and in-law adjustments.

The first major problem in marriage is adjustment to a mate. Interpersonal relationships play an important role in marriages, but interpersonal issues in marriage are very complex. The more experience in interpersonal relationships both men and women have in the past, the greater the social insight they have developed the better they will be able to adjust each other in marriage.

Another important factor is the ability of the husband and wife to relate emotionally to each other and to give and receive love. A husband and wife who have the habit of not expressing affection will have difficulty in establishing a warm and close relationship because each interprets the other's behaviour as an indication of "not caring".

The ability and willingness to communicate is another factor. Adults who have learned to communicate with each other and who are willing to do so avoid many of the misunderstandings that complicate mutual adjustments. Other factors like concept of an individual mate, fulfillment of needs, similarity of backgrounds, common interests, similarity of values, role concepts and change in life pattern influence adjustment to a mate.

In choosing a marriage partner, both men and women are guided to some extent by a concept of an ideal mate built up during adolescence. The more the individual must readjust to the reality, the more difficult the adjustment to the mate will be. If good adjustments are to be made, a mate must fulfill needs stemming from early experience. If the adult needs recognition, a sense of achievement and social status to be happy, the mate must help meet these needs. The more similar the backgrounds of the husband and wife, the easier the adjustment. Mutual interests in things the couple can do or enjoy together lead to better adjustments than mutual interests that are not easily shared.

Each mate has a defined concept of the role of the husband and wife should play, and each excepts other to play the role. When the role expectations are not fulfilled, conflict and poor adjustment result. Adjustment to a mate means reorganizing the pattern of living, revamping relationships and social activities and changing occupational requirements, especially for the wife. The adjustments are often accompanied by emotional conflicts.

The second major adjustment problem in marriage is sexual adjustments. It is the physical foundation of the marriage relationship leading to its ultimate spiritual culmination. Problems in sexual adjustment may lead to marital discord and unhappiness. Many factors like attitude towards sex, past sexual experiences, sexual desire, early marital sexual experiences and attitude towards contraception can influence sexual adjustments. The sexual needs of husband and wife are different. To the man xes is a direct, urgent urge. If he is thwarted sexually he will be angry, hurt and resentful. Deep indignation and hatred against his wife may drive away the affection and tenderness which previously reigned in his heart. If the frustration continues, he will be compelled to find some alternative outlet in masturbation, or extramarital sex relations or even seek an unconnected outlet like gambling or alcohol abuse. To the wife, sex is essentially linked up with her need to be admired, loved and cherished. If love, trust and mutual respect diminish between husband and wife, the functioning of their sex life begins to be affected. If the personal relationship deteriorates, the sex relationship may breakdown altogether. Sexual maladjustment is just as often the symptom of deeper trouble in the marriage.

The third major adjustment problem in marriage is financial. Money or lack of it has a profound influence on adults adjustment to marriage. The couple's financial situation can pose a threat to their marital adjustments. Many married couple handle there money matters in a haphazard and uncooperative way. The husband often refuses to disclose to his wife how much he is earning. Sometimes wife has private resources of her own, but insists on keeping it apart and living entirely on her husband's income. the very principle of sharing is violated by this kind of dealings and trouble results frequently.

The fourth major adjustment problem in marriage is adjustment to in-laws. Both husband's and wives must learn to adjust to their in -laws if they are to avoid frictional relationships with their spouses. In-law trouble is especially serious during the early years of marriage and is one of the most important cause of marital break up during the first year. The widely accepted stereotype of the " typical mother-in-law" can lead to unfavorable mental sets even before marriage. young married adults tend to resent advice and guidance from their parents, even if they must accept financial aid, and they especially resent such interference from in-laws. Marital adjustments are complicated when one spouse devotes more time to relatives then the other spouse wants to, when a spouse is influenced by family advice, when a relative comes for an extended visit or lives with the family permanently.

Parenthood brings fulfillment and completion to marriage. It fundamentally changes the whole character of the marriage relationship. In that process it may precipitate serious problems. Procreation should be mutual and deliberate. This means that the coming child will be eagerly anticipated, loved and cherished by both parents from the very beginning.

The coming of the first child brings its own crop of readjustments. For the wife it is normally a time of blissful fulfillment. But for the husband it may be that the pregnancy diminishes the attractiveness of his young wife. The wife's preoccupation with her baby may give the father a feeling that his place in her affections has been taken up by this rival and he may even become jealous of his own child. The wife may reproach him for his apparent indifference and bitter quarrels may result.

Unwanted pregnancies can create troubles when the couple has as many children as they had planned to rear. Problems arise when all the children are girls, when wife is sick because of frequent pregnancies and also over the rearing and training of children. Differences of opinion arise about the way in which the children are disciplined, about their education and their religious training. When this happens, it is almost certain that there is acute tension somewhere in the marriage relationship itself, of which the disagreements about the children are only a symptoms. Childlessness may bring to husbands and wives, a sense of frustration which disturbs the harmony of marriage. There is an emptiness and incompleteness about the childless marriage which easily precipitates disharmony.

MARITAL THERAPY

Marital therapy is the form of psychotherapy designed to modify psychologically the interaction of two people who are in the conflict with each others over one or a variety of parameters - social, emotional, sexual or economic. In marital therapy, a trained person establishes a therapeutic contact with the patient couple and through definite type of communication, attempts to alleviate the disturbance, to reverse or change maladeptive patterns of behaviour, and to encourage personality growth and development.

Marriage counseling may be considered more limited in scope than is marital therapy in that only a particular familial conflict is discussed. Marriage counseling may be priamarily task oriented, geared to solving a specific problem such as child rearing. Marriage therapy emphasizes restructuring the interaction between the couple, sometimes exploring the psychodynamics of each partner. Both therapy and counseling stress helping the marital partners cope more effectively with their problems. Most important is the definition of appropriate and realistic goals, which may involve extensive reconstruction of the union, problem solving approaches or a combination of both.

There are five main areas of relationships between a couple, as described by Jack Dominion. They are physical, emotional, social, intellectual and spiritual. It is important to analyses in which sphere most important difficulties occur. Differentiation of problem areas severe as a guide to treatment.

In marital therapy, the relationship itself is the client. It is a process which focuses on the marital relationship. People marry to meet their needs. When the needs of both partners are met, the marriage could be described as functional, When the needs are not met, when the relationship is out of balance, it becomes dysfunctional. Marriage counseling with a relationship focus is a process of awareness. Marriage counseling, then becomes an invitation to see, experience and become aware of what the partners do to each other, a searching for links to their mutual involvement and responsibilities. The expectations and attributions about spousal behaviour set one up for marital disappointment and despair, Maintaining an optimistic approach to life, being flexible to consider other possible explanations for spousal behaviour bring about positive change.

Stress of marital life are lessened by the sharing of the family members, Friends and collegues. These supportive factors also enhance bonding between the two partners. These needs to be used to strengthen marriages. Interpersonal flexibility and effective communication are very important in family homeostatis. Marriage as an institution has a tremendous role in helping partners in achieving personal growth and fulfillment in life. A marriage which gives scope for independent, individual development moves to a higher stage of marital bliss.

Models of Marital Therapy

Insight-oriented marital therapy aims to uncover the unconscious needs, conflicts and defenses which are considered as the etiology of marital disharmony. a greater understanding of the underlying firces may help the person to have rational choices.

Interventions may aim at changing the couple's behavioural different situations, clarifications and explanations of the problem is attempted. A decision is taken considering the past bonding and integration. This leads to re-integration which supports new behaviour. Sometime technique that seems congruent with both their client's personality and fits the particular situation.

Therapy Setting

It is conducted with both partner together usually. However, marital therapy with one partner is not uncommon. Both partners can be seen together in all setting. Occassionally they can be seen separately desides joint sessions. Besides different arrangements of the partners and therapy sessions therapists involvement can be modified. One therapist can see both the partners together or two therapists can see partners differently and all four can have joint sessions.

Techniques

The initial phase of therapy constitutes listening, assimilating, diagnosing the problem and selecting the goal. Listening to the couple's story is done by minimal prompting. Each of the spouses talks their side of the story. In assimilation the therapists clarifies the events and make a summary. The summary may be modified by the couple. In the process the main problem is defined. The diagnostic process is unfolded then. This defines the faulty patterns of communication, needs which are not met, and what type of behaviour is felt to be unacceptable. After reaching at some understanding of the couple's problems the therapist identifies some target which the couple need to work on at home. The targets usually include better communication, an improved expression, more time spend together, assuming greater responsibility, mutual affirmation and showing less criticism.

Within the framework of a trusting, safe relationship with the therapist channels of communication develop which facilitate the expression of a wide range of suppressed feelings. the defenses gradually fade and a more intimate awareness of each other ensues.

Indications and contraindications

The main indications for initiating marital therapy include:

1. When individual therapy has failed to resolve the marital difficulties;

2. When the onset of distress in one or both partners is clearly related to marital events;

3. When the marital therapy is requested by a couple in conflict.

Problems in communication between partner are prime indication for marital therapy. The therapists can work towards enabling each of the partners to see the other realistically. Conflicts in one or several areas such as partners sexual life are also indication for treatment. Similarly, difficulty in establishing satisfactory social, economic, parental or emotional roles is an indication for help.

Contributions for marital therapy include:

1. Patients with severe forms of psychosis especially with paranoid symptoms;

2. One or both of the partners really wants divorce or;

3. One spouse refuses to participate because of anxiety or fear.

Goals

The goals of marital therapy are alleviate emotional distress and disability and to promote the levels of well being of both partners together and each as an individual. In a general way, the therapist moves towards these goals by strengthening the shared resources for problem solving, by encouraging the substitution of more adequate controls and defenses of pathogenic ones, by enhancing immunity against the disintegrative effects of emotional upset and the complementarily of the relationship and promoting the growth of the relationship and each other.

REFERENCES

1. Elizabeth B. Hurlock (1988): Developmental Psychology: A life span approach, Tata Mc Graw Hill Publishing company Ltd, New Delhi.

2. Eric Rayner (1982): Human development., George Allen and Unwin Ltd, London.

3. Kaplan, H., Sadock., B.J. (1985): Synopsis of psychiatry, Williams and Wilkins, Baltimore

4. Kar., G.C., Kar., N., Pati,. T. (1999) Hand book of psychotherapy, United Book House, Cuttak.

5. Rajammal P Devadas, Jaya N (1984): A Text Book on Child Development. Machmillan India Ltd., New Delhi.

6. Stahmann, R.F., Hiebert., W.J., (1977) : Counseling in Marital and sexual Problems - A Clinician's Handbook - Second edition. The Williams and Wilkins Company Ltd., Baltimore.